The Identity That Keeps You Stuck in Overeating and Bingeing

Have you ever said something like this?

“I’m just an emotional eater.”
“I have no willpower.”
“I’m the kind of person who can’t be trusted around food.”
“I always mess it up.”

If yes, I want you to pause for a second.

Because those sentences aren’t just thoughts.

They’re identity statements.

And identity is powerful.

It’s like wearing a pair of glasses that colors everything you see. When you wear the “I’m a binge eater” glasses, your brain starts collecting proof for it all day long.

You eat a few cookies and your brain goes:
“See? This is who you are.”

And that identity can keep you stuck, even when you’re learning tools, reading books, and trying really hard.

Let’s talk about the identity that traps so many women.

The hidden identity: “I’m the one who can’t handle life without food.”

Most women I work with don’t binge because they love food.

They binge because food became their fastest way to cope.

Food became:

• a break

• comfort

• relief

• quiet

• a reward

• a way to numb stress

• something that feels like “mine” after a long day

Over time, a belief forms:

“When I’m stressed, I need food.”
“When I feel too much, food saves me.”
“I can’t handle my emotions without eating.”

That belief turns into an identity:

“I’m someone who needs food to cope.”

And once it’s identity, your brain protects it.

Even if you hate it.
Even if it makes you miserable.

Because the brain loves what’s familiar.

How identity keeps the binge cycle going

Here’s how it often plays out:

1. You feel stressed or tired

2. You eat past fullness

3. You feel guilt and panic

4. Your brain says, “Of course. This is who you are.”

5. You restrict, swear off foods, or try to be “perfect”

6. Your body and mind feel deprived

7. The urge gets stronger

8. You binge again

9. Identity gets “confirmed”

It becomes a loop.

Not because you’re broken.

Because your brain is trying to stay consistent with the story you believe about yourself.

The identity most women actually need

Here’s the identity shift that changes everything:

From:
“I’m a binge eater.”

To:
“I’m a person learning new coping skills.”

Or:
“I’m someone rebuilding trust with my body.”

Or even:
“I’m human, and I’m practicing.”

That might sound small, but it’s huge.

Because when you identify as a learner, slips don’t mean “I failed.”
They mean “I’m still learning.”

And that keeps you moving forward instead of spiraling.

3 signs you’re stuck in an old identity

See if any of these feel familiar:

1. You label yourself after one hard moment
   “I ate too much. I’m hopeless.”

2. You think in “always/never”
   “I always ruin it.”
   “I’ll never change.”

3. You use shame as motivation
   “If I feel bad enough, I’ll finally stop.”

Shame doesn’t create change. It creates hiding and more coping.

How to start changing your identity (without fake affirmations)

This isn’t about standing in front of a mirror saying,
“I love myself!” when you don’t feel it.

This is about building new evidence.

Step 1: Change the label you use in your head

Instead of:
“I’m out of control.”

Try:
“I’m having an urge.”
“My nervous system is overwhelmed.”
“My body is asking for something.”

You’re not excusing it.
You’re understanding it.

And understanding creates choice.

Step 2: Keep tiny promises (this builds trust)

Identity changes when your brain sees proof.

Pick one small promise for 7 days:

• Eat breakfast with protein

• Take a 5-minute break in the afternoon

• Sit down when you snack

• Pause for 10 seconds before eating at night

Then you say:
“I’m someone who follows through… even in small ways.”

That is how trust is rebuilt.

Step 3: Replace food’s “job”

If food is your stress relief, you need other ways to downshift.

Not 10 new habits.
Just 1–2 “reset buttons” you can actually do:

• warm shower

• tea and a blanket

• 10 slow breaths

• a short walk

• journaling for 3 minutes

• texting a friend

• stretching your neck and shoulders

Food doesn’t have to be your only tool.

One of my clients recently told me she bought ice cream and forgot about it for a whole week.

That didn’t happen because she suddenly became a different person overnight.

It happened because her identity started shifting.

From:
“I can’t be trusted around food.”

To:
“I’m calm around food.”
“I can have it and choose it when I want.”

That’s the work.

And it’s possible.

If you take one thing from this post…

Your eating patterns are not your identity.

They are learned coping strategies.

And anything learned can be unlearned, step by step.

Do you want to finally feel free around food? 

I help women rebuild a peaceful, guilt-free relationship with eating, without restriction, shame, or overwhelm.

Follow me 👉 @silke.holguin_health.coach for simple, sustainable tips that actually work.

Your Health Coach & Food Freedom Coach, Silke 💖

P.S. Don’t forget to share this with a friend who might find this helpful! 💌

If you enjoyed this article, you will love my 5 Small Changes to Stop Overeating - for women who are tired of overeating, bingeing and finally want peace with food:

Book your FREE 30-minute Clarity Call to uncover what’s driving your binge or overeating, and discover small steps you can take to overcome it.