How Self-Talk Keeps You Stuck in Overeating and Binges

If you’ve ever thought…

• “I have no willpower around food.”

• “Once I start, I can’t stop.”

• “I’m just an emotional eater. That’s who I am.”

…your brain is listening.

Not just once.
Every. Single. Time.

Here’s the hard truth that took me years to really get:

Your brain doesn’t believe what’s true.
It believes what you repeat.

And if you’ve been stuck in chronic overeating or binge eating for years, this matters more than you think.

This isn’t about blame.
This is about understanding what’s going on inside your mind so you can finally change it.

Your Thoughts → Feelings → Actions → Identity

Let’s break this down in a really simple way:

• Your thoughts shape your feelings
• Your feelings drive your actions
• Your actions become your identity

Now let’s plug in food.

Step 1: Thoughts

Maybe your thoughts sound like:

• “I always blow it at night.”

• “I’m addicted to sugar.”

• “I’ll start again on Monday.”

• “Screw it, I’ve already ruined the day.”

These may feel like “just thoughts,” but your brain treats them like instructions.

Step 2: Feelings

Those thoughts create feelings, such as:

• Shame

• Hopelessness

• Stress

• Anxiety

• Emptiness

You don’t just think you’re out of control. You feel out of control.

And when you feel this way, your body wants relief. Fast.

Step 3: Actions

To escape those painful feelings, you reach for what has helped before:

• Food

• Sugar

• Late-night snacking

• “One more plate” that turns into three

You’re not choosing from a calm, clear place.
You’re trying to soothe.

Step 4: Identity

Over time, these actions become a story in your mind:

• “I’m a binge eater.”

• “I’m the kind of person who can’t stop.”

• “This is just who I am now.”

And here’s the sneaky part:

Once something becomes part of your identity, your brain works hard to keep it true.

Not because it’s good for you.
But because it loves what’s familiar.

Say It Often Enough, and Your Brain Believes It

Your brain is like a super powerful recorder.
It doesn’t ask, “Is this kind? Is this helpful?”
It just asks, “Is this repeated?”

Say something often enough, with emotion, and your brain will start to believe it.

So if, for years, you’ve been saying things like:

• “I can’t be trusted around food.”

• “If there are cookies in the house, I’ll eat them all.”

• “I’ll always struggle with my weight.”

…your brain is learning that as truth.

Not because it is true.
But because it’s what you’ve told it over and over.

That’s why self-talk around food is not harmless.
It’s powerful.

Your Brain Doesn’t Know the Difference Between Real and Imagined

Here’s something wild:

Your brain reacts to vivid imagination almost like real life.

Think about biting into a juicy lemon.
You might notice your mouth water, your face tighten, your body react—even though there’s no lemon.

Now apply that to food and identity.

If you constantly picture yourself:

• Losing control at night

• Standing at the pantry door stuffing food in

• Being “the big one” in photos

• Failing every diet

Your brain is getting fed those images as “data.”

But it can also work for you.

If you start to visualise:

• The calm version of you at 9pm, closing the pantry and walking away

• The you who makes a plate, eats slowly, and stops at comfortably full

• The you who feels relaxed around chocolate, not panicked

…you are literally rewiring your brain for that version of you.

No magic.
Just repeated, emotional, believable mental rehearsal.

“You Can’t Think Your Way Out of a Feeling”

Here’s another thing that trips so many women up:

When you’re in the middle of a binge or strong urge, you might try to argue with yourself:

• “I shouldn’t eat this.”

• “This is bad for me.”

• “Come on, you know better.”

But you’re not dealing with logic.
You’re dealing with feelings.

You can’t think your way out of shame.
You can’t think your way out of loneliness.
You can’t think your way out of that tight, panicky urge to eat everything now.

That part of your brain doesn’t care about “should.”

But you can feel your way into a new way of thinking.

What does that mean?

Instead of:

“I need to stop wanting this food.”

Try:

“What am I feeling right now?”
“Where do I feel it in my body?”
“What does this feeling need?”

Maybe underneath the urge is:

• Exhaustion → you need rest.

• Anger → you need a boundary.

• Loneliness → you need connection.

• Stress → you need a break or deep breath.

When you allow the feeling to be there (even for 30 seconds), it begins to soften.

And when the feeling softens, your thinking changes.

From:

• “Screw it, I’ll eat everything.”

To:

• “Okay, I still want the food, but I’m not as frantic now.”

• “Maybe I can choose a little bit instead of everything.”

• “Maybe I can pause and see what I truly want.”

You didn’t force your thoughts to change.
You let your feelings move, and your thoughts followed.

Chronic Overeating Is a Pattern, Not a Personality

If you’ve been overeating or bingeing for years, it’s easy to believe:

“This is just who I am.”

But chronic overeating is not your personality.
It’s a pattern your brain has practiced.

A pattern like:

1. Stressful thought: “I can’t cope.”

2. Painful feeling: tight chest, heavy heart, inner emptiness.

3. Action: eat to calm or distract.

4. Thought after: “I’m disgusting. I did it again.”

5. Identity: “See? This is who I am.”

And round and round it goes.

To change your future, you don’t need to fight who you are.
You need to change the data your brain keeps getting.

Your brain is not fixed in stone.
It is always learning.

If it learned:

• “I’m out of control around food,”

…it can also learn:

• “I’m a woman who is learning to care for herself in new ways.”

• “I can feel hard things without always turning to food.”

• “I’m allowed to change, even if I’ve struggled for years.”

You can’t bully your brain into healing.
But you can:

• Change the thoughts you repeat

• Feel your feelings instead of fighting them

• Feed your mind new images of who you’re becoming

Change the data.
Change your future.
One thought, one feeling, one choice at a time. 

Do you want to finally feel free around food? 

I help women rebuild a peaceful, guilt-free relationship with eating, without restriction, shame, or overwhelm.

Follow me 👉 @silke.holguin_health.coach for simple, sustainable tips that actually work.

Your Health Coach & Food Freedom Coach, Silke 💖

P.S. Don’t forget to share this with a friend who might find this helpful! 💌

If you enjoyed this article, you will love my 5 Small Changes to Stop Overeating - for women who are tired of overeating, bingeing and finally want peace with food:

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