How Mother Hunger Can Lead to Binges And Why It’s Not Your Fault

Many women say things like:

• “I know what to eat. So why can’t I just do it?”

• “I’m so good all day, then I lose it at night.”

• “What is wrong with me? Why can’t I stop?”

If this sounds like you, you are not alone.
And no, you are not broken.

Often, overeating and binge eating are not really about food.
They are about feelings.
And for many women, they are about something very deep from childhood called mother hunger.

Let’s gently unpack what that means and how it might be showing up in your life today.

What Is “Mother Hunger”?

“Mother hunger” is a simple way of saying:
There were things you needed from your mother as a child that you did not fully get.

These needs were not fancy.
They were basic human needs, like:

• To feel safe

• To feel loved

• To be held when you were sad or scared

• To have someone listen when you were upset

• To be allowed to have feelings, even big ones

When these needs are not met, a child can feel:

• Unseen

• Unimportant

• Too much

• Or not enough

This can leave a deep feeling of inner emptiness.
Like a hole inside that never really feels full.
Like something is always missing, but you cannot put your finger on what.

That feeling often follows a girl into her adult life.

What Mother Hunger Can Look Like in Childhood

Mother hunger can show up in many ways.
Some mothers are loving but stressed.
Some are kind but emotionally distant.
Some are critical, easily overwhelmed, or scared of conflict.

Here are some common patterns you might recognize:

• When you cried, you were told:
  “Stop crying.” “Don’t be a baby.” “Go to your room.”

• When you were angry, you heard:
  “Don’t talk back.” “You’re so disrespectful.” “I can’t deal with this.”

• When you were sad or hurt, no one asked:
  “What happened?” “How are you feeling?” “What do you need right now?”

• You were praised for being:
  “A good girl.” “Easy.” “No trouble.”
  But not for being real and honest.

As a child, you had to make a choice:

• Be your true self (angry, sad, hurt, needy) and risk losing love or safety
  or

• Hide your true feelings to keep peace and stay close to your mother

Most children choose safety.
So you learned to:

• Swallow your anger

• Hide your sadness

• Smile even when you didn’t feel okay

• Take care of other people’s feelings before your own

Your body and brain remembered all of this.

The Inner Emptiness That Follows

When mother hunger is present, a girl often grows up with a quiet feeling that something is wrong inside.

You might notice:

• A sense of being “empty” or numb

• A deep loneliness, even if you have people around you

• Feeling sad for “no reason”

• Always looking for comfort, but never feeling fully satisfied

You may also feel:

• Afraid to upset others

• Guilty for having needs

• Worried you are “too sensitive” or “too much”

• Like you must hold everything together to be loved

This inner emptiness is not drama.
It is not you being weak.
It is a real and natural result of needs that were not met when you were young.

And when that emptiness feels too big or too painful, you will look for something to help.

For many women, that “something” is food.

How Mother Hunger Leads to Overeating and Binges

Let’s connect the dots.

Imagine you had to push your feelings down for years.
You learned to be “fine” when you weren’t.
You learned to keep the peace and not make trouble.

Now it’s today.

You are an adult woman with a busy life.
You have work, family, chores, maybe kids, aging parents, or all of the above.
You still don’t want to upset anyone.
You still feel guilty for putting yourself first.

Your day might look like this:

• You hold in your frustration at work.

• You say yes when you want to say no.

• You keep quiet to avoid an argument.

• You take care of everyone else’s needs before your own.

All day, you are holding it together.
All day, you are carrying stress, small hurts, and unspoken feelings.

By the evening, you feel:

• Tired

• Drained

• Stressed

• Lonely

• Empty inside

And then the overeating begins.

You find yourself:

• Snacking while standing in the kitchen

• Picking at food while scrolling or watching TV

• Eating past fullness and thinking, “Why am I doing this?”

• Promising yourself “just one” and then not being able to stop

It can feel like something takes over.

But here is the key:

Food is doing something very important for you.

Food is:

• Comfort when you feel unloved

• Soothing when emotions feel too big

• Company when you feel alone

• A way to feel something instead of empty

For a moment, the food fills the hole.
You feel warm, calm, or at least distracted.

But then…

• The guilt shows up

• The shame rises

• You promise to “be good tomorrow”

• You start another diet or new rule

And the cycle repeats.

This is not a willpower problem.
This is a coping problem.
Your brain and body are trying to cope the only way they learned: with food.

This Is Not About Blaming Your Parents

It is very important to say this:

Talking about mother hunger is not about shaming or attacking your mom.

Most mothers are not monsters.
Most were not trying to hurt you.
Many of them were doing the best they could with what they were given.

Your mother may have:

• Had her own mother hunger

• Never been taught how to handle big emotions

• Been dealing with stress, trauma, or mental health issues

• Thought she was “toughening you up” or “teaching respect”

You can hold two truths at the same time:

1. Your mother did not give you everything you deeply needed.

2. Your mother may have been struggling and doing her best.

This work is not about blame.
It is about understanding.

Understanding that:

• What happened in the past still lives in your body today.

• The way you were taught (or not taught) to handle feelings affects how you eat now.

• Food became a safe place because your feelings were not.

When you understand this, you can stop asking,
“What is wrong with me?”

And instead start asking,
“What happened to me?”
“What did I learn?”
“What do I need now?”

That shift alone is powerful healing.

Gentle Steps to Start Changing the Pattern

You don’t need to fix everything overnight.
You don’t need to never overeat again to “prove” you are healing.

You are learning new skills that you were never taught as a child.
That takes time and kindness.

Here are some gentle steps to begin:

1. Notice the Moment Before You Eat

The next time you feel the urge to overeat or binge, pause for a few seconds.

Ask yourself:

• “What am I feeling right now?”

• “Where do I feel it in my body?”

You might notice:

• Tight chest → anxiety or fear

• Heavy shoulders → stress or burden

• Knot in your throat → sadness or unspoken words

• Pit in your stomach → loneliness or shame

You do not need to stop eating.
Just notice.

This builds awareness instead of automatic shame.

2. Ask: “What Am I Really Hungry For?”

Sometimes you are truly hungry for food.
Sometimes you are hungry for something else.

You might be hungry for:

• Rest

• Being heard

• Space and quiet

• Kind words

• Physical touch

• Support

You can ask yourself:

“If food wasn’t an option right now, what would I wish someone could give me?”

Even if you still eat afterward, this question opens a new door in your mind.

3. Give Yourself a Tiny Bit of What You Need

You may not be able to get everything you need in that moment.
But you can give yourself a small dose.

For example:

• If you need rest → close your eyes and take 5 slow breaths.

• If you need comfort → wrap yourself in a soft blanket or hold a pillow.

• If you need to be heard → write a few lines in a journal: “Right now I feel…”

• If you need space → step into another room, or go outside for 2 minutes.

These small acts teach your nervous system:

“I am here for you now. I will not ignore you.”

4. Speak to Yourself With Kindness, Not Attack

After overeating or a binge, the harsh inner voice often shows up:

• “You’re disgusting.”

• “You did it again.”

• “What’s wrong with you?”

This voice does not help you change.
It only creates more shame…
which leads to more emptiness…
which leads to more eating.

Try a new voice.
Something like:

• “Of course I went to food. That is how I learned to cope.”

• “I am not bad. I am hurting.”

• “I am learning new ways. It will take practice.”

You don’t have to fully believe these words at first.
Just try them.
Over time, they start to sink in.

You Are Not Broken. You Are Learning.

If you see yourself in this, please know:

• You are not greedy.

• You are not weak.

• You are not a failure.

You are a woman who did not get all the emotional care she needed as a child.
You are a woman who found comfort in the safest place she could: food.

That makes sense.

Now, as an adult, you have a chance to learn new ways to:

• Hold your feelings

• Soothe your pain

• Fill your emptiness

• Care for yourself with love, not punishment

This journey is not about being perfect.
It is about slowly becoming the safe, kind, steady presence for yourself that you always needed.

One small, gentle step at a time. 

Do you want to finally feel free around food? 

I help women rebuild a peaceful, guilt-free relationship with eating, without restriction, shame, or overwhelm.

Follow me 👉 @silke.holguin_health.coach for simple, sustainable tips that actually work.

Your Health Coach & Food Freedom Coach, Silke 💖

P.S. Don’t forget to share this with a friend who might find this helpful! 💌

If you enjoyed this article, you will love my 5 Small Changes to Stop Overeating - for women who are tired of overeating, bingeing and finally want peace with food:

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